Lost
by Chad'sBrucas
Summary: Set in season 13, Olivia is hurt during an investigation and all she wants is Elliot
1. Why am I talking to myself?

My head is pounding. The only thing I can hear is the sound of my own heart beating; the steady rhythm is kind of comforting. It keeps me company in the darkness that surrounds me. Is it really beating that loudly? Can anyone else hear it? Of course not Olivia, you're alone. No one can hear it. No one knows that you are laying here.

Alone.

I laugh. I can't believe I'm talking to myself, but then again, who else can I talk to?

I cough and my abdomen stings with pain. I don't even know how long I've been lying here. Glass is everywhere. I can feel it beneath my head, it doesn't hurt, at least I don't think it does. I can't feel much of anything right now. Photos are smashed like I hated the smiling faces that were in them…but I don't. I can't see the full extent of the damage done to my apartment from where I am…but I think it's bad.

My breathing is getting heavy; I think I'm falling asleep.

Wait…what's that…is that my phone? I struggle to turn my head towards the kitchen where my phone sits on my counter. The phone violently vibrates…so much that I think it might fall off. Whoever it is should call back later, maybe then I can find the strength to get up to answer it.

Maybe it's him.

No, it's probably Amaro. I was just supposed to come home to shower and change cloths then head straight back to the precinct. I don't think that's gonna happen now. It's ringing again. I know I need to answer it, but I don't think it's possible.

I don't know how much time has gone by, but this is the 8th call that has gone unanswered and I'm still laying here in this same spot, in the same pool of blood that has accumulated around my limp body. I can't really tell where it's coming from. I don't really remember what happened.

Another missed call.

I gotta figure out how to get myself to the phone, I'm getting cold and my headache has gone away. That's not a good sign.

_Knock ,Knock, Knock_

Someone's at the door now, I need to get to it. It's much closer than the kitchen…

_Knock ,Knock, Knock_

"Olivia, are you in there?"

It's Nick, I need to let him know I'm here. I try to move my legs but I can't feel them. What the hell, my whole body feels numb.

_Knock ,Knock, Knock_

"Cap, she's not answering the door…yea, I think she's home. Her car is out front…what do you want me to do?"

I can hear him, sounds like he's on the phone. I need to get his attention, but I can't move. I need to yell for help. I laugh, why didn't I think of that before?

"Nick…." well that was weak, my voice is hoarse.

"Nick…" I try again, a little louder this time. The pain is coming back.

"Nick…" I hope these walls are thin enough so he can hear my weak calls.

"Wait a minute Cap, I think I hear something."

"Nick…please…help" The pain is hitting me full force, my head is spinning. I don't think I'm gonna last much longer. I can feel my eyes closing.

I need to stay awake.

Darkness is taking over…this is it for me. Never thought it would end like this. And still, all I can think of is him. We haven't spoken in months. I'm so pathetic, I'm dying and all I can think of is him.

Light engulfs the room; I can see it even with my eyes closed. It's warm and I welcome it with open arms.

"Jesus Christ…"

I can feel hands on me, pulling me from my thoughts of death.

"Liv! Can you hear me?"

I can, but barely. I'm dying and there is nothing that he can do about it. He's too late. I can hear him talking; I can't understand what he's saying now…it sounds like I'm under water. I'm trying to stay focused on him. But darkness welcomes me once again, and the pain subsides. I can rest now…

To Be Continued…


	2. Smoke Signal

3 Days Earlier

"You have reached the voice mail box of…Elliot Stabler…please leave a message at th…"

I can't believe this; I'm not leaving another message. I put my phone back in my pocket and turn my attention to Amaro who's grabbing us food from the deli. We've been canvassing most of the day, with no luck.

"I got you turkey on rye, they didn't have the drink you wanted, so I got you water instead." He says as he's handing me my food.

I nod my head, silently thanking him. He's a good guy, and a good partner. We get along fine, it's just, he's not Elliot.

He's gone.

I'm just gonna have to deal with it…I just don't know how.

"Hello? Can you hear me?" Nick asks, pulling me from my thoughts. I turn to him, giving him my full attention.

"I said, do you think she's gonna remember what happened? Doc's don't think she is even gonna wake up. She got beaten badly."

"I don't know, I mean it's possible. We just have to wait and see." I said, taking another bite out of my sandwich.

Kristen Payne is a 24 year old probation officer who was raped and beaten in her home. She was stabbed 16 times and is in a coma right now. We have no leads and no DNA evidence. It's like the guy was a pro. We interviewed all of her probationers and all were accounted for and had alibis.

"Are you ok? You seem a bit out of it." He asked me.

"Yea, I'm fine."

I lied, but the truth is that I'm not ok. But I'm not ready to open up to him, to anyone for that matter.

We finish up the rest of our food in an awkward silence. I pull out my phone again, and surprise surprise, no missed calls or messages.

This pisses me off.

"Let's get back to the station and see if anything new developed." I say to him, he throws our trash away and we head towards the car.

* * *

I check my phone again, and still nothing.

I can't believe this; I can understand why he did what he did. Hell, I probably would have done the same. I just don't understand why he gave me up to. It's been 3 months since he retired, 6 months since we last talked.

I gave him space, because I knew that's what he needed. Killing that girl also killed apart of him. I get that, I know him. So I let him be. I figured he would contact me when he was ready, or at least tell me to my face that he wasn't coming back. I think I at least deserved that. Didn't I?

Why am I being punished because he decided to leave? How is this fair to me? Is one phone call too much to ask for after 12 years? Shit, I'd even take a text. Maybe even a smoke signal. Something, anything would suffice. I just want to know if he's ok. Not only for him, but for me as well.

"We're here." Nick says as we pull up to the precinct, I guess it's time to get back to reality.

* * *

"So what do we have? Anything?" Cragen was in the middle of the bull pen.

"No evidence, no DNA, no witnesses, nothin' Cap." Fin says

"I sit down at my desk and Nick sits across from me. I don't think I'm ever gonna get used to that.

"Kristen isn't awake yet, Doc's don't even know if she will." I add.

"I guess we can pick this back up in the morning. It's late, go home and get some rest. Good work today detectives.

Everyone started gathering their things to head home. Fin and Munch were the first to leave. I started to finish up some last minute paper work that I've been procrastinating on.

"You want me to stay and help you finish up?" Nick asks me.

"No go ahead and go home. I know you want to see your little girl and talk to your wife." I tell him. I know his family means a lot to him. He reminds me of Elliot in a way.

"Thank Liv, don't work too hard. I'll see you in the morning." He walks pass me and squeezes my shoulder. I can feel myself starting to warm up to him. He has a way of making you like him, even if you don't want to.

And trust me I didn't want to.

Why do I always get partnered with attractive men? First there was Elliot, then Porter at one time and now Amaro. Jeez, no wonder why I have problems. I think I need an ugly partner maybe that can help me.

I let my thoughts wander as I finish up my paper work. God, I'm ready to go home and get in bed. A kid walks in to the station, he looks lost.

"Can I help you?" I ask him, he couldn't have been any older than 15.

"Yea, some guy just gave me 20 bucks to bring this to the sex cops." He said while handing me an envelope.

"What did this guy look like?" I ask him while examining the envelope.

"I dunno, like a nerd I guess." The kid said. I opened the envelope and there was a DVD inside that said watch me.

I turned to ask him more questions, but he was already gone. I sat down at my desk and put the DVD into my computer. There were 2 masked men breaking into an apartment. I immediately recognized it; it was Kristen Payne's apartment.

The whole attack was filmed; I ran to Cragen's office and showed him the DVD.

"And someone just brought this in?" he asked

"Yes, the kid left before I could ask him anything else." I told him. I could hear my desk phone ringing.

"Go answer it, I'm gonna get the tech guys on this. Maybe they call get something off of it."

I head over to my desk and answer the phone.

"Special Victims Unit, detective Benson speaking."

"Is this the pretty detective who has my dvd?"

It was a man's voice. He had a slight accent that I couldn't place.

"Who is this?" I asked. I waved my arms towards Cragen, trying to get his attention.

"No need to worry about that yet, in due time you will see. I just wanted to let you know that I'm watching you." He said.

"Is that so? Did you watch Kristen Payne?" I asked, Cragen was making his way towards me.

"Like I said before detective, in due time. Just make sure you lock your doors tonight. My boys like challenges."

Oh boy…


End file.
